Totally addicted to ..............

Mrs Shinawatra worries about the way she has lived her life in the past. I tell her a little more about myself and my past. I was once an addict.



Good morning my dear Mrs Shinawatra

I pray this new day finds you in good spirits and may the grace of God, The Holy Lezzer and Saint Gayer bless you.

Since I received your first email, you have been on my mind constantly. I prayed long and hard for you last night Mrs Shinawatra. I prayed that you may be touched by the Holy Lezzer and feel her healing force deep inside you. I prayed that Saint Gayer may bring you fabulous home furnishings and matching cushions to alleviate your pain and suffering, making you more comfortable and your surroundings more aesthetically pleasing.

I also prayed for guidance that I would be shown the true way to help you. I do believe the almighty will show us both what he has planned for us. I do believe that fate and the Holy Lezzer have brought about this joyous union so we can bring happiness and comfort to may out there who are suffering.

Please do not worry about how you have previously lived your life for now you have turned to the Lord Almighty and he will save you. He cares not for your past but for your future. I too have lived a shameful life in the past. I was once a deviant, addicted to acts of a purely selfish nature.  I am ashamed to say that I used to take drugs. I was addicted to a highly dangerous drug called Bacon. I smoked Bacon whenever I could afford to.  The smell of Bacon cooking was too much for me to resist and it lead me down a dubious path of  immoral behaviour and degradation. I just couldn't get enough of Bacon. As well as smoking it I would eat it. I sometimes cooked it and put it in sandwiches so people would be unaware of what I was doing. That way I could feed my bacon habit in public, unnoticed and without fear of being arrested.

One day, whilst high on Bacon, I attempted to rob what I thought was a local jewellery shop.  I had misread the sign and burst into the local Synagogue by mistake shouting "I need Bacon and I need it now." The Rabbi and Cantors managed to restrain me and called an ambulance and I was detained in my local psychiatric hospital. I received specialist help to get me off the Bacon and I spent the next 6 months using a non addictive Bacon substitute called Faken until I was completely clean.  I knew at this point that I had a chance to turn my life around and with the help of The Holy Lezzer and Saint Gayer, that is exactly what I have done.

Mrs Shinawatra, I must proceed with my daily ministries. I have old people to visit and good deeds to perform and my time is precious in the community. I shall ask my parishioners to pray for you, for you health and happiness. I look forward to getting to know more about you and your plans for our partnership.

Yours in faith

Rev Homer Sekshaul.